General

Kathy the Semi-Visible

In lieu of a picture of me.

In lieu of a picture of me.

September 23rd is Bi Visibility Day.  Since I identify as bisexual, I thought I’d write a little about what that means to me.

I don’t have both feet out of the closet.  Maybe someday I can finally come all the way out, but right now one foot at least is always stuck in the door. Closets are dark, creepy places meant for clothes.  Humans aren’t supposed to be in there longer than the average game of hide and seek.

And being as out as I am… well, it could obviously be a lot worse.  I don’t fear for my safety, which is a blessing, but it isn’t a bed of roses, either.  Coming out now might pose problems for some relationships that would be inconvenient to drastically change.  And I still deal with microaggressions from the people who already know.  Example… once I casually mentioned in my other life that I am bi.  I immediately got a Facebook message congratulating me on being “not normal” in a way that still “fosters respect.”  Yes, somebody actually told me that.   I’m one of those, but not one of those.  Binormative, maybe?  But biphobia is a topic for another day.

Being engaged to a man also makes my identity a little more ghostly, though he himself is not part of the problem.  He even encourages me to a certain extent.  The problem is other people.  When we first got engaged, the question that irked me most (after people inquiring if I was still a virgin) was, “So you’re straight now?”  No.  I’ll always be attracted to women… like how straight couples don’t stop being attracted to other people, even after they’ve committed to each other.

And yet, it’s not all bad.  I feel a lot more at peace with myself just acknowledging it as much as I have.  It’s not a creeping doubt at the edge of my mind and heart every time I see an attractive female, and tell myself, “It’s just aesthetics.”  Being honest with oneself is a good thing, even if it isn’t inherently painless.  Yet here it was relatively painless.  I know, and even though I’d like it if I could be more out and visible, I still know.  And I like being knowledgeable.  I can live with that.

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